i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
