Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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