there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
