he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
