Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
