i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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