that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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