I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
