I'm really into asian looking animals
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
