she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
