Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
