Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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