But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
