just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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