How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
