you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
