I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
