it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
