can u get pink eye on your cock?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
