That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize