Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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