Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The beer is more important than you right now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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