I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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