i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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