I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
