He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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