Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
