your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
