Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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