hotel room ftw
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
