I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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