I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
