This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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