My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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