Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There's even glitter on my cock...
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