You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
