Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
