he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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