i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize