We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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