do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
