I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize