Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
