we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
