need another drink. this is the easiest way
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
