Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
