My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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