I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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