he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
