You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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