i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
