White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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