Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
