Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
