the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize