Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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