Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize