...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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