Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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