Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
