He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize