Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this beer tastes like vomit already
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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