I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
