how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
